Katie’s Story

“My struggle with body image and an eating disorder started the summer before my sophomore year of high school. I had always been conscious of my body and my weight, but the summer before my sophomore year I really started to get into theater. This meant I was constantly getting measured for costumes and being put on display much more. I thought that the smaller I was, the more worth I would have.

At this point I picked up very restrictive eating habits. I remember eating a salad or granola bar for a meal. I felt embarrassed to be seen eating in front of others. I would purposely be go, go, go so I wouldn’t have time to eat. Once I got back to school and people started to notice I wasn’t eating all that much I started to do better and restrict less. All of my progress went down the drain when COVID hit.

I then turned to binging and purging. I got to a point where I would throw up after almost every meal I ate. Throughout the waves of my eating disorder I was calling out for help, but anytime someone tried to give me a good solution or truly help me, I wouldn’t listen. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I wanted to be “beautiful.”

As my senior year approached I was throwing up less and less, and stopped hanging out with people who made me feel worthless. My mentors and my family were becoming more aware and helping me as well. As a singer I knew that I needed to stop my bulimic tendencies.

I can remember the exact day I stopped making myself throw up. January 31st 2021.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about doing it since that time, but I have never purposely made myself throw up since then. My senior year I shared my story with freshman girls and that honestly helped my recovery so much. I knew that I had to be strong not only for  myself but for those girls. Though I still fall prey to diet culture from time to time and have really hard days, I have not fallen back into that dark place I once was. I have my amazing family and boyfriend to thank for that. They keep me accountable and make sure that I know I am beautiful just the way I am.

– Katie Farr, Miss Southern Missouri 2022