An Open Letter to my Eating Disorder

“No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Joshua 1:5

June 2 is World Eating Disorders Action Day. The vision for this day is to unite eating disorder activists, professionals, parents/carers and those personally affected to promote worldwide knowledge of eating disorders and the need for comprehensive treatment. The theme for this year is “Eating Disorders can’t afford to wait.” I decided to do a special blog post from my time in treatment. This is a letter I wrote to my ED on my 2nd day of treatment. Day 2 of TK and I was ready to kiss ED goodbye. If you wrote a letter of freedom to that inner critic or that inner demon, what would it say?

Dear Eating Disorder,

Screw you. You have taken over every aspect of my life. Who gave you the power to rule my life? You came in out of nowhere and started taking everything from me. You took everything good in my life. And what did you give me? Nothing. You’ve made me destroy myself. You have made me a person I never wanted to be. When will you be satisfied? When is enough? I’ll tell you. Listen up.

Enough is enough.

You have taken enough . Do you want to be reminded of everything you’ve taken from me? Fine. You took my happiness. You took my health. You took my hope. You took relationships. You took the possibility of Miss Missouri this summer. You took the ability to memorize music. You took me away from some really cool events at school, working at Music Fest, singing at ACDA with Chorale, going on band tour. You took school, my favorite place on Earth. You took my happy place. You took me out of the best environment I’ve ever been in. You took away me getting a little in SAI. You took peace from my friends and gave them worry. You took my power. You took my focus. You took my desire to work hard. You took over my mind. You took 1st priority over everything.

Well, guess what? You’re not taking my future.

And everything you’ve taken from me? I’m taking it back. All of it. You will no longer have control over me. You will no longer be the #1 priority in my life. I’m getting rid of you and you will not be welcomed back. There is no place for you here. I can thank you for a few things, ED. I can thank you for teaching me that I don’t need you. Did you hear that?

I don’t need you.

So pack up your things. Pack up the shame, the guilt, the anxiety, the disgust, the fear, the sadness, the shame, the guilt, the shame, the guilt. Oh, don’t forget the shame and the guilt. I don’t want them anymore. I don’t need them anymore. Do you know what my life is going to look like without you? Man, it is gonna be good.

I’m ready, are you?