“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps” – Proverbs 16:9
2019. Where do I even begin? It’s tempting to say that 2019 was the worst year of my life, but that’s so negative. And really, not true at all. I will say that 2019 was the hardest year of my life. It took me on twists and turns that I never saw coming and wasn’t sure if I would make it through. But, by the grace of God, I am ending 2019 as a completely different person.
At the beginning of 2019, I was lost. January was really when things started going downhill. I was falling deeper and deeper into my eating disorder with what seemed like no way out. Not to mention, my first therapist had quit over Christmas break. A few people knew what was going on, and they were doing everything they could to help, but the eating disorder was just too strong. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I felt alone.
Thanks to my time at Timberline Knolls, my treatment team in Columbia, and the endless support I have received, my life completely changed.
Now, at the end of 2019, I still don’t know what’s going to happen. But I know one thing: I am stronger than my eating disorder.
I don’t regret one moment of 2019. Everything that happened this year was a part of God’s plan. The way the year started, I thought I was going to lose everything. Instead, I gained everything and more. 2019 gave me a new outlook on life, new passions, the sweetest new friends, and new dreams for the future.
I’ve been thinking a lot about New Year’s Resolutions. It seems like we get so caught up in the whole “New Year, New Me” thing that we don’t take the time to appreciate what we’ve done in the past year. I read this quote tonight that really sums up my feelings about it:
“A Toast to the Old You: If you feel inspired to use the new year to help you reset or change habits: Great!
The old you has survived every terrible day, every hard thing, every awful circumstance, and every heartbreak you’ve ever felt. The old you is a fighter. And that’s worth celebrating.”
So that’s what I’m going to do in 2020. I’m not going to get out all my colored pens and make a list of resolutions that I never look at again. I’m going to celebrate me. Celebrate the old me, the current me, and the future me that God is creating.
I’m not where I want to be, but at least I’m not where I was.
To 2019, thank you.
To 2020, let’s do this.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34